Secrets of the Dating Gods
by Karl Ericson
I try and observe and learn from people who are very successful with the opposite sex. Recently, I had the privilege to witness one of these rare beings in action. He walked into a room walked straight toward the most attractive girl there and started talking to her. Unfortunately I couldn't hear what he said. He was just OK looking, he was actually quite a bit older than the girl he was talking to but they left the place together after about half an hour to a presumably happy destination. How many men have the courage that man had? Most men would be afraid to walk up to the most attractive woman in a room and introduce themselves. I and I suspect other men, remember friendly overtures to women at singles events being met with silent stares that imply something like, "Are you from earth?" and "Leave me alone you perverted sexual harrasser". Mysteriously that did not happen to the rare being I saw that night.
The day after witnessing the rare being in action I went to a singles swing dance. Near one of the tables surrounding the dance floor was a very attractive woman. I decided to attempt to emulate the rare being I had witnessed the day before and approach her. I introduced myself and to my total surprise was not met with a hostile stare. She was actually friendly! After our conversation she actually told me she was glad to have met me! May be the assumption I have had in the past that the more attractive women are, the more likely they are to reject a man, is wrong!
I learned something very valuable from that rare being. These dating pages of this self help web site has lessons about dating that I have learned from rare beings, mere mortals and my own experiences. I also include lessons from published literature on the subject.
A friend of mine who most of the time is without a girlfriend told me his brother is very successful with women. Imagine having a brother who is one of those rare beings. You'd ask him for advice wouldn't you? That's exactly what my friend did. My friend asked his brother how he should act around women and his brother responded that he should just be himself. What a let down! My friend is himself and is rejected constantly. Not only did my friend complain that his brother gave him useless advice, he told me that his brother continued by criticizing him for thinking of dating as if it's a piece of equipment which you learn to operate by reading an instruction manual.
Sure a rare being as my friend's brother can just be himself, but what about you (much apologies if you are a rare being) and me and my friend?
So what is my friend to do? I've observed that my friend has low self esteem and that he is depressed most of the time. He has a lot of anger toward women for rejecting him. One thing my friend could do is to work on improving his self esteem, his outlook toward women and his mood. The self help section of this web site has approaches to doing this. Once he improves his outlook and his mood he may find that being himself is all that he needs to be in order to attract a girlfriend.
My friend may be rejected for other reasons in addition to his outlook. These reasons may be unattractive behaviors that he unknowingly engages in. Both female and male friend's of mine have complained about behaviors of the opposite sex and I have described some of these behaviors in this site with the hope that knowledge of them will be of benefit to my readers.
I think my friend's brother is right about dating. (Who am I to disagree anyway? ) One should be oneself and not put on an act. In the past I made the mistake of putting on an act and the more I failed socially the harder I acted. I became caught in a vicious cycle in which social failure caused me to act and be more artificial and the more fake my behavior became the more I failed socially.
Although putting on an act isn't a good idea some of us could benefit from educating ourselves about what not to do, so that when we are ourselves, we are attractive to the opposite sex.
What a concept, one can be oneself and one can be attractive at the same time. Although that may be hard to believe for some of us (especially those of us who have a history of being constantly rejected by the opposite sex) it is more likely to be true if we do believe it. That is discussed more on the attraction page of this web site.
These dating pages also include essays about getting along once one is in a relationship. Again I've drawn on comments from friends, my own experiences and published literature about the subject.
Learning by observing gifted beings is thankfully not the only way to learn about dating. Some dating Gods have deigned to share there wisdom with us on the internet. Alex Stone is a man who has gone out and interviewed women with questions about what men should and should not do to attract them. He produced an outstanding video with these interviews called, The Secrets of Meeting and Charming Women. (http://www.getgirls.com/videos.htm) After the interviews in the video he reads from his own notes about the subject. He gives a lot of great advice. There is one piece of advice he gives that I don't agree with and that contradicts what women on his own video said. He advices men to "be an actor". The woman on his video said they want men who are sincere and genuine. If you have to be an actor to get a woman to like you that means she doesn't like you for who you are. The whole point of dating (other than sex) is finding someone who loves us for who we are.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This is the introductory article for my dating web site. The URL if the web site is http://www.primechoice.com/philosophy/shelp/socialdating.htm
